Mean

 

Warning: The me you know (maybe you know me) and love (of course you do love me)… the sweet and nice mommy who loves rainbows and running and never posts anything mean, angry or controversial, is on vacation today. If you like me better when I’m the nice girl, please skip this post.  I am not all sugar and spice today.  I am mad!  When I get mad about something that has to do with my children, I get mean.  This is a mama bear post.  Stop reading right now, if you like me better when I am sweet! You have been warned.

 

Dear Mamas,

I’m pissed off!  Furious!  I’m mad at you!  No, not you.  I’m sure you are lovely.  Look to the left.  The one in the car next to you. Yeah that’s the one.  The one making out with her quadruple bypass surgery burger with extra cheese.  FYI, lady, the cow is dead.  It won’t run away.  You don’t have to shove the entire thing in your mouth in one bite.  It’s not going anywhere, I promise.  But no, it isn’t your eating habits (however ghastly) I’m mad about… not exactly.  It is your multitasking.  I know you are busy.  I get it.  I really do.  You have a million things to do, and not enough hours in the day to finish half of them.  Our society pretty much drills into your head that the more you accomplish in a day, the greater your worth.  The busier the better.  I’m mad about that too.  It’s not true.  You are enough just the way you are… whether or not you finish that mile long to do list.  But that is a whole other topic for another day.

Right now the thing I am angry about is the DWSF or DUIFF.  Driving while Stuffing Face that is, also known as Driving Under the Influence of Fast Food.

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Yesterday while running home from Isla’s school, I had to yield the right of way at crosswalks to five (yes, crosswalks!  Those things where you are supposed to let pedestrians cross.  Yes, 5!) different distracted drivers… all of them mothers (or at least women with their cars full of kids).  They did not even look!  I am a very cautious runner when I have my stroller with me.  I looked.  I stopped.  I had the right of way, but I gave it up.   Because I am so careful, I’m alive, and my girls are too.  No thanks to those of you committing DWSF.  Come on, ladies!  I’m not saying moms are the only ones who need to watch out, but shouldn’t we be the ones who are best about it? We have the most to lose.  Yes, pedestrians need to pay attention too.  It is 50/50.  Both parties need to be aware of their surroundings.  However, just because it is 50/50, doesn’t mean that you aren’t responsible to give 100% of you attention to driving.    Here’s another thing, all this happened in an surrounding three public schools and I don’t even know how private schools that had just let out for the day.  There were children everywhere.

Mamas, think about how much you love your own children.  It’s the most amazing thing!  Isn’t it?  They are your world, your life.  Without them… you don’t even know what you do.  Now this is going to seem a little harsh. I don’t care. It’s important. Imagine this.  Your precious child, the one who stole your heart the second she was born, is walking home from school, playing and laughing like children do, distracted by friends and fun like children are…  And someone, just some stranger, is paying more attention to that bag of grease and empty carbs in her lap, than to the crosswalk, where your sweet angel is crossing.  Yes, right now in this moment that fast food is more important to some woman, than your sweet child is.  She is fully and selfishly absorbed in her own needs.  She does not give a second look to the crosswalk…  I’m not going to go on.  I can’t.   And I don’t think I need to.  You are a mother.  You get it.

People talk about drunk driving, how bad it is.  It is!  It needs to stop.  People talk about texting and driving.  That’s awful too.

Distracted driving is dangerous… Every kind of distracted driving!  Yes, you have distractions that you can’t help… like your children talking and playing in the car and asking you questions… all the questions.  I understand that mamas have a lot going on.  That is all the more reason to STOP adding to the distractions.  I know it seems like I’m being mean (maybe I am, a little) and judgmental (I’m not).  I am not saying I’m better than you (not at all).  Of course I’ve eaten while driving too.  And I thought I was paying attention to my driving.  I’m sure you think you are too.  But if you don’t see a mommy with an enormous bright orange double jogging stroller and her two little girls, then you are not paying attention to driving.   Multitasking is fine… probably a necessary part of life.  I’m doing it right now.  I’m eating my salad as I type.  Just please, please don’t do it when the stakes are so high.  If I pay more attention to this tomato dripping in balsamic vinaigrette, than I do to my writing, oh well.  I can delete my typo and fix it.  Or maybe it stays.  Still no big deal when you look at the big picture (although typos are really, really annoying, aren’t they?  I bet you found a few that annoyed you in this post.  But they didn’t kill you.).  But driving is different.  Driving is dangerous.  We do it all the time, so it is easy to forget just how much is at stake.  We are talking about lives!  Human lives!  The lives of children!  You cannot run over a child then say oops and hit the delete button.

Mamas, I don’t want to be mad at you.  I know you need to eat.  I know you need to drive your children home from school.  I know you love your precious children just as I love mine.  Please, please pay attention to the road… to the crosswalks… to the people trying to cross the crosswalks.  Your burger is not worth more than the life of a child.  I don’t care of you are eating caviar.  It is still not that important.  It can wait.  No more DWSF!

Please think about it, drive carefully, and share! DWSF is serious.

Mean Green Machine

 

 

What’s black and orange and green all over?  Do you know?  Do you know?  Hmmm?  Do you?  Guess!  Come on!  Sorry.  I spend almost all my time around a five year old and a two (almost three) year old.  My communication skills seem to be regressing.  Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?

Here’s a hint:

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School is exhausting

 

This is how I’ve been picking Isla up from school lately, and I love it!  Yes, my car is pretty energy efficient, and that’s great, but it still uses gas.  This thing runs on coffee.  Coffee is cheaper than gas!  So not only is it more environmentally friendly, it is cheaper.

Of course there are a few drawbacks to this green energy source.

  • If you want to go more that 26.2 miles, sorry not gonna happen.
  • It doesn’t make great time.
  • It kind of stinks.  Literally.

Okay so sweat powered vehicles will probably never catch on, but it is the perfect way to combine getting a work out and picking Isla up from school.  And on a beautiful day like today, it makes me happy!

Ready to go get her sister

Ready to go get her sister

And since I started with a joke (kind of), I’ll end with Isla’s favorite joke.

Get it? Get it? Do you? Want me to explain it? It’s math (that’s Isla’s explanation) Nowwww do you get it? Okay sorry (again). I’ll stop.

 

 

P.S.  If you’re wondering why is a “mean” green machine, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow for that part.

 

Now tell me a good (clean and kid friendly) joke, so i can teach Isla a new one.  Thanks!  

The Strange Thing I do with my Coffee

 

The problem of cellulite is highly contagious.  It spreads fast.  A full blown epidemic can break out within minutes.

What?  You don’t believe me?  Okay try this little experiment.  In a room full of women, complain about the cottage cheese on your thighs.  Suddenly everyone in the room will be agreeing, sympathizing, complaining… they will all have the problem of cellulite.  And every single one will have it “the worst!”  Except maybe that one girl who announces that she, luckily, hasn’t had to deal with that yet.  Everyone hates that one girl.  Now I’m not saying those little bumps and dimples are contagious.  It isn’t the cellulite, it’s the problem with cellulite.

The problem is us making it a problem when really there is no problem.  Got a problem with that?  I’m no doctor but I am pretty sure there is no actual medical problem with cellulite.  We just hate it.  And we all think we have “the worst’!  It is just one of those annoying body image issues.  For the most part, I am relatively satisfied with my body.  It runs.  I’m happy about that.  For that, I love it.  Unfortunately I am not above and beyond the insecurities that seem to affect most women.  Cellulite is one.

Okay so how do we cure it?  Well, probably stop talking about it.  But since we won’t, is there anything to make it better?  Or to make us feel better about it?  Expensive potions, lotions and wraps?  Fine, if that’s what you want to do, and you have the extra money for it.  I don’t.  But I still do worry about this “problem”.  So I do weird things to try to make it better.  I drink weird drinks.

Water with Lemon and Cayenne, Lots of Cayenne.

Water with Lemon and Cayenne, Lots of Cayenne.

I do even weirder things with normal drinks.

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Okay so maybe I’m too frugal for the high priced potions and lotions, but I will rub the contents of my used K-Cup mixed with aloe gel (to make it stick) all over my backside in the shower.  Used, because I am not wasting a perfectly good coffee!  Does it work?  Who knows?  I read about both of these supposed cures online.  When in doubt, Google it.  I seriously doubt that they are any kind of permanent fix, but my skin does feel and appear tighter and smoother (I think)  They aren’t hurting me either.  The drink is healthy.  It is basically water, so hydration.  Cayenne pepper contains vitamins C, B6, E as well as potassium, manganese and antioxidants.  And lemon adds more vitamin C.  Plus it tastes good.  As for rubbing coffee all over my backside? Studies show that caffeine is absorbed through skip, so there’s that.  It’s like a second cup of coffee.  Great!  I will at least be more awake after a shower.  And who doesn’t want to smell like coffee?  Okay, Okay this is ridiculous!  The things I do… crazy!

For the most part cellulite is on the back of our thighs and our butts.  We can’t even see it without twisting around in a mirror.  Why waste time looking back just to criticize ourselves?  Why?  It’s behind us, so let’s just leave it there.  No. That makes way too much sense.  And of course we won’t do it!

Confession time.  What have you tried to fix your cellulite?  Cause you know you have it “the worst!” And even if you don’t you probably think you do now.  Quick!  Go look in the mirror.

 

 

About that Marathon

 

Worst. Marathon. Ever.  Key West’s Southernmost Marathon offers a beautiful course, flat as a runner’s dream, the smell of salt in the air… It could have been perfect! But it was not… Not even close… Not for me.  It was, by far, my slowest, most excruciating marathon ever!  Okay so I’ve only run two, and the first was pretty great.  I could be nice and say it was the second best, but I’d rather be dramatic and call it the worst.  Also I hope it stays my worst no matter how many I run.

Even the worst race ever (which it really wasn’t) has it’s good points, so let’s start with those.

Pros:

Totally flat course with the exception of a few easy bridges.

Mild weather… Humid (yeah that’s a plus for a Florida girl)… Warm not hot and gently breezy.

My sign-holding fans, aka parents, cheering for me from the darkness (yes, they woke up that early!) and again around mile 25!

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Doesn’t she have the BEST handwriting?

Gorgeous sunrise over the water.

Plenty of water, Gatorade and other stations to keep runners hydrated and happy.  

Awesome and energetic volunteers (they even had glow in the dark hula hoops).

$20 bills along the course. Okay so it wasn’t lined with money. There was probably just the one, but I found it, and even managed to pick it up without breaking my “stop for nothing” rule.  So that’s always a plus.

Finishing.  That’s the best part!  No matter what happens on the race, finishing feels good, and I finished running.

My favorite people waiting for me at the end.  I changed my mind.  That is the best part!

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Cons:

By mile 4, I felt like I was going to throw up.

Mile 9, my foot really hurt… (Like really, really). But my stomach felt better.

By 16 I wanted to puke again or maybe lie down on the road and die.

I said “yes” to some very enthusiastic volunteers at a cold sponge station offering to soak runners. Two words: wet shoes.  Bad idea!  Everyone else was politely declining and after listening to the squish-squash sound of my shoes for the remainder of the race, I knew why.

An exploding blister (probably due to the wet shoes).  Yeah, I didn’t even know that was possible.  When it happens you know. You just know.  And then you want to limp forever.  Thankfully that wasn’t until the final mile.

So it sounds pretty miserable, right? Right.  And I totally want to do it again!  No, not because I am crazy.  Most of the pros we’re race related and the cons were all about me… mistakes I made or just having an off day.   Key West is a really great place to race!  I want a do-over.  And besides, I’ve said it before, a marathon is kind of like giving birth… Painful, but so rewarding.  Well another thing about having a baby, you forget all about how hard it was.  After you finish, you only remember the good parts.

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Yes, my shirt says “I Hate Running” and in that moment it may have been true.

Look! My mom joined my for a while!

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Oh, and I almost forgot.  There was one more super great thing.  My shoes!  Apart from the fact they got wet, they were awesome.  I ran in the FITs by Skora.  I loved them before the marathon.  I still do.  That’s a pretty good shoe test.  They are lightweight and minimal, but with more padding and comfort than the even more minimalist Skora Bases (which I also love).

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So you should really try these out http://skorarunning.refr.cc/TRQFWQ7  They’re great!  I love mine.  They feel like a cozy hug for your feet.  And they do come in other colors besides pink (but who would want that?)  Full disclosure: if you use my link to buy them, I get a referral fee, but that is not why I’m telling you they are amazing.  They just are.  Like heaven on your feet.  Try them.  You’ll be glad you did.  I could write a whole post on how fabulous these shoes are (and I probably will), or you can just see for yourself.  Plus the prices are really good.

 

 

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The best way to end a marathon!

 



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What was your worst race ever?

What was your best?

Funny First

So I’m back in school… night classes.  It is really different this time around.  One of the biggest differences is getting ready to go.  I used to just throw on some clothes (unless it was an early morning class and I just felt like wearing whatever I slept in), put my hair up (maybe), add lip glass and mascara if I wanted to (read if the professor was cute), grab my books and head out the door.  Easy.

Now this:

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Oh, did that take a long time to scroll through?  Sorry about that (I’m not sorry).  Try to making dinner, studying and getting dressed for class with all that going on.  It takes even longer than scrolling through my excessive documentation of the process.  But in spite of all this (or maybe because of it), I am enjoying my classes in Massage Therapy.  I get tons of hugs and kisses before I go.  (I didn’t used to get that).  I miss the girls like crazy when I’m gone.  (I used to only kind of miss my cat).  And I treasure each moment I have with them throughout the day even more.  (Can’t say that about the cat).  I get to FaceTime them and say goodnight on my break.  Then I get to kiss their sleeping faces when I get home and wake up to their cuddles and kisses in the morning.  Like I said,. it is all so different now, and in the best way possible.  They are my little sunshines!  The silly things they say and do keep me smiling.  And of course I’m about to share some of their quotes from this month.  So grab a coffee (try not to choke on it), sit back and enjoy.

 

Isla

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Isla:  What’s a mummy?

I did my best to explain.

Isla:  Hmm.  So did they even make dead daddies into mummies?

 

And overheard later:

“Aliana, when you die people will take you and wrap you up in toilet paper and call you their mummy.”

Ok, so maybe I didn’t explain it as well as I thought… But I definitely don’t recall mentioning toilet paper.

 

“Let’s see if we can have some candy.  You ask Daddy and I’ll ask Mommy.”

Well if at first you don’t succeed… 

 

“You know some boys aren’t dirty mommy… Cause like if their mommies clean them then they wouldn’t smell funny or anything.”

 

“It’s good when your legs hurt because that means your starting to get a lot of exercise.”

Future runner right here!

 

Isla:  Is that your new phone?

Me:  It’s my new phone case.

Isla:  It’s smokin’!  Do you know what smokin’ means?  It means it’s, like, so rock ‘n roll.

 

“I’ll be mannersy in here because it’s a nice restaurant.”

 

Isla:  Mommy, I bet every time you go out of the house, people are really jealous of you!

Me (totally fishing for the compliments I was expecting to come next):  Why do you think that?

Isla:  Because you have two such adorable children!

It’s true.

 

“You know what God did to cover all the blood and bones?  He put skin.”

I wonder if that answer would work on my next A&P test?

 

Aliana

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So this one time, I tried to use the bathroom alone…

“Mommmmmyyyyyyy!  I’m locked out!  It’s like a terrible dream, but it’s not a dream.  It’s real!  You just don’t wanna be with me!”

One way ticket to Guilt please.  I’m going on a trip.

 

“You’re making me sicker when you don’t hold me!”

“Am I fashionable or too fashionable?”

Correct answer: Too fashionable.

 

Me:  You need to put on pants.

Aliana:  But ponies are beautifuller than pants!

She has a point… And yet, I still make her wear pants.

 

“Your belly is saying a lot of things.  I don’t know what it’s trying to say.  Let’s listen to it.”

I never knew a growling stomach could be so interesting.

 

Randomly and in her most demanding voice:

“Stay seated!  Put your hips on your hands!  Dessert is coming!”

 

Aliana (oh so sweetly):  Mommy, can I have some candy?

Me:  Not right now.

Aliana (with the kind of fury only a two year old can muster):  Then I’m telling Santa you are naughty!

 

 

 

What’s one thing that has changed in your life because of your children?

Your turn.  Share a funny kid quote or story.

Funny 4th (and Voting and Lots of Pictures)

Did you vote?  I didn’t.  Hey!  Don’t judge.  I will.  I mean how else are we going to get those cool stickers?  I have kids… of course we want stickers!  I don;t mean to get all political, but it is voting day, so I’m going to need you to vote.  Don’t worry it’s a fun poll.  Which 80s toy is the best?  My Little Pony or Carebear?  But wait.  I’m going to make it harder impossible for you to choose.

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See?  You can’t possible choose a favorite!  Those are my little 80s toys on Halloween and I dressed as an 80s girl to go with them.  And as cute as my Carebear and My Little Pony are to look at, they are just as cute to listen to.  And funny!  They are so funny!

 

“I shouldn’t kiss your butt. It’s too sweaty.”  - Aliana

Probably true since I’d been running.  Maybe don’t kiss it even if it’s not sweaty.

 

“Mommy God must really love you because he gave you a girl with curly hair.  He even gave you TWO girls with curly hair, that’s how much he loves you.”  - Isla

Yep

 

“Mommy I love you! I  love you so much because you gived me chocolate!”  - Aliana

Who says you can’t buy love?

 

“I’m five years old now so I don’t have cute hands and feet anymore.  - Isla

Nope… still cute.

 

Aliana:  Why is her belly so big?

Me:  She is pregnant.  She has a baby in there.

Aliana:  Oh.  Is there a baby in your big belly too?

You’re lucky you’re so cute, Little Girl!

 

Me:  It looks like someone has been jumping on the couch.

Isla:  Not me!  I’m 5.  Five year olds don’t do things they’re not supposed to.

Me:  I can tell when you’ve been jumping on the couch because it’s moves it and it’s not in the right spot right now.

Isla:  Oh.  Well maybe I did… Yesterday when I was 4.

 

“Awww Mommy, you’re just like a cute little mousy… Just like a mousy on Cinderella!”  - Aliana

Obviously.  Because only mousies sew. 

 

“No, Aliana, that’s not litter, it’s glitter.  Can you say gLLLitter?  Litter is when bad people throw trash on the ground.  It makes the whole entire world messy. Glitter is sparkle, so it’s good.  But picking up trash is even better than glitter.”  - Isla

Bad people litter.   Good people clean up.  Got it.

 

“Why you get a box of leafs?”  - Aliana

Fabulous description of my to-go salad.

 

“Aliana, carry this for me because we all have jobs to do around in this house, and that’s your job. You know what Isla’s job is?  Isla’s job is to make the world good.  I make the world good by picking up trash on the ground.”  - Isla

Is it possible I have over-emphasized the problem of litter and pollution in my effort to teach the girls to care about the environment?

 

Aliana:  Can I have candy?

Me:  No.

Aliana:  Why?  It doesn’t taste like poison!

She has a point.  Still no.

 

“Is tightroping safe?”  - Isla

 Yes.  Now go play in traffic.

 

 

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What did your little ones dress up as for halloween?

Costumes:  Store bought or Homemade?

- Homemade for as long as I can convince my girls it’s cool!

Do you dress up too?

And you know I’m going to ask… Please, pretty please share a cute or funny quote from your child?

 

 

 

She’s 5 (and I’m Old)!

 

So I know I promised a race recap from my most recent marathon, and it will come (eventually).  But not today… Today we have far more important things going on here!  On this day, five years ago, at 1:43 PM (yeah 143, as in I love you if you remember pagers), I did something pretty awesome.  I gave birth to this beautiful baby…

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…Who has grown into this amazing girl…

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…And has made my life so much better than it ever was before!  Every day I am so thankful to have Isla Elyse as my daughter.  She is creative, artistic, kind, thoughtful and smart and she even has a monkey on her head.  I could go on.  In my opinion (impartial of course), she is the coolest five year old to ever walk the face of the earth!

We are having her real party on Saturday, but of course today needs to be special too.  So here’s how the morning went.  I woke up early and went for a nice solo run before anyone else was up.  Then after a refreshing shower, I decorated the birthday donuts and set out a tea party picnic just the way she likes it, complete with her beautifully wrapped first present of the day.  She woke up to this delightful scene and couldn’t have been happier.  Woah!  Hold on a sec!  Reality check.  That is how it all happened in my head.  I am not the picture perfect mother, and things don’t always go as planned.    Here’s how the morning actually started.  Isla came and climbed into bed with me as I groggily wished her a happy birthday.  I tried to sound more excited and awake than I was.  It had been a rough night of changing sheets and cleaning puke out of the carpet, off the floors and walls (how do they even do that?) and trying to comfort and poor, sick two year old.  I did not go for a run.  I was not ready with a tea party picnic.  And I was really struggling to even be awake.  I quickly made some frosting 5s on a donut, added 5 candles to another and topped the other 2 with sprinkles, put juice in the teapot (no time to make tea) and Keurigged (yeah it’s a verb) myself a coffee.

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As we ate donuts and eggs, Isla announced, “This is already the best birthday ever because I have a donut with fives on it!”  And suddenly I felt better… still tired… but… So. Much. Better!  It really is the little things.  She loved my thrown-together breakfast.  She didn’t think I had failed as a mother.  She was thankful and happy.  It was perfect!  If it was perfect for her, then it was perfect for me.  Sometimes the anxious perfectionist in me drives me crazy.  Isla’s response to what I thought was all wrong and a big mess was a reminder to me to relax and enjoy the little things in life… like a donut with 5s on it.  One if the things I love about being a mother is learning to see the world through little eyes again.  Thank you Isla, and Happy Birthday my wise little big girl!  You are five, and I am old!

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What was your “best birthday ever”?

 

 

 

SoMo Oh No!

Southernmost Marathon, here we come!

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Hands on your head, it’s the official car seat pose

And to answer one of the two top questions people ask before a marathon… No! Yes! Maybe? Yes, maybe. Definitely, decidedly maybe! The question is, “Are you ready?” Mentally? Um… Maybe. I’m majorly nervous and super excited. If you’ve never run a marathon, and want to know how it feels, it’s kind of like having a baby. Not that running feels like labor, but the pre marathon jitters feel like the pre labor nerves. And obviously the medal at the end isn’t as cool as a baby… I wonder if they could give out kittens? Still not quite like getting a baby human, but closer. Anyway you get the idea. The feeling is excitement, nervousness anticipation, dread… I am ready and not ready. It will be excruciating and rewarding… Lots of different feelings… So many feelings… All the feelings. Men, if you want to know the feeling I’m talking about, you should probably just sign up for a marathon. Am I ready physically? As ready as I’ll ever be. I actually trained and followed a plan this time. (If you know me, you’re impressed. If you don’t know me, be impressed.)
I think the second marathon is actually scarier than the first. This time I know what I’m getting myself into. Ignorance was bliss. It’s going to hurt. I’m going to feel like lying down in the middle of the road at about mile 21. But if it was easy, it wouldn’t feel
like such an accomplishment at the finish line. Also the second time around I have a time to beat. The first one was an automatic PR. My only goal was to run the whole thing. This time I want to do that again… Just faster. Anyway ready or not, this thing is happening. They don’t postpone the race because I don’t feel ready. Apparently.
In answer to the other top question (from the non running sort); 26.2 miles. The question, of course, is “How long is this marathon?” I politely refrain from responding “Marathon length.” I know plenty of runners roll their eyes at this common inquiry. Runners, be nice. Not everyone knows that. At least they are kind enough to have (or feign) interest. Non-runners, 26.2 = marathon… marathon = 26.2. If you didn’t know before, now you do. And thank you for asking. Don’t worry, we only pretend to be annoyed by the question. Deep down we love the look of shock on your face, when we nonchalantly answer, 26.2, no big deal.
And maybe, just maybe, it really is no big deal to superhumans who run 52 marathons in 52 weeks (Julie Weiss) or to ultra marathoners who run 50 or even 100 mile races (crazy people) but to me, right now, it is a big deal. I’m kind of freaking out… Just a little.
So that’s what I’ll be doing this Saturday morning when I would normally be sleeping (as a sane person should) or drinking Dunking Donuts dark roast… black with coconut. Wish me luck.

Funny First on the Actual First…

 

Now that’s a first!  Or at least it is the first time I’ve done it in a long time.

Enjoy!

 

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They Get it From Their Mama

 

 

 Aliana

 

“Ehhhhch [fake burp noise]!  I’m like Daddy!  When I have to burp, I burp.”

Just like Daddy.

 

“Oh no I ate too much, and now my belly is going to get a headache.”

 

“Baby alligators can’t talk… Because they’re babies!”

Obviously.  How silly that I thought it might have to do with the fact they are alligators!

 

 

Isla

 

Mommy, you’re the best monster in the whole world!

How sweet.  I think.

 

“Mommy, when I grow up, I’m going to be a boutique owner, a cupcake maker, and restaurant owner and a car fixer mechanic.  So I probably won’t have time to visit you.  Sorry.  But I’ll still love you.”

I kind of want to cry and laugh at the same time.

 

Isla:  I’ll be Ariel.  Aliana, you can be prince Eric.  Mommy, will you be Ariel ‘s mommy?

Me:  No, because she’s dead, remember?

Isla:  Aw!  Why don’t you ever want to be dead?

Oh, the disappointment in her voice!

 

“Mommy you should be a waitress when you grow up!”

Been there, done that.  Oh and the growing up part?  Did that too.

 

“Pretend you’re a human, but you’re a nice human, okay mommy?”

That’s a hard one.

 

 

Sisters

Aliana:  Doctor, my baby! She’s dead!

Doctor Isla:  She’s dead?  Is there anything else wrong with her?

 

Cinderella (Isla):  Oh dance with me Prince Charming!

Prince Charming (Aliana):  Um no.  You have to clean the floors if you want to marry me!

 

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Your turn!  If you have a funny little one, please share a story or quote!  You know who you are  (Angela, Denisse, Christina, Jessica, Phyllis). 

 

Fall is Funny…

 

…In Florida.  We know we’re supposed to wear scarves and boots.  We know fall colors are in.  We drink Pumpkin Spice Lattes and tweet about them just like the rest of you.  But it is still so hot.  So. Hot.  Our scarves and boots are paired with sundresses and mini skirts (yeah, we don’t really get fall fashion). Our fall colored make-up is melting off our faces.  So. Hot.  I actually got heat exhaustion on one of my runs recently.  Yes, that’s because I didn’t follow my own advice on summer running.  I ran in the heat of the day.  I did not bring water.  Why?  Because I can do anything (no, I can’t).  I’m a runner.  That’s what runners do.  After my lovely 13.1 mile run, I threw up.  Pardon the over-share… it’s kind of what I do.  If you don’t want to know way too many details about my life, you probably shouldn’t be reading my blog (but please do!).  My point… Fall is funny here in Florida because it really doesn’t exist, but for some reason, we pretend it does.

You know what else is funny?  My girls.  Terrible segue, I know.  I tried (kind of).  Fall in Florida is funny.  Kids are funny.  And since today is officially the first day of Fall, I am doing a special edition of Funny First, full of quotes from Isla and Aliana.  (You and I both know the real reason for this is the fact that I am so for behind on my writing that I never got to it on September first, but we’re going to pretend that it’s the first thing… My blog, my rules).

 

Isla

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“You can be the royal breakfast maker!  Oh, and don’t forget to keep the castle clean.”

Gee thanks… On the bright side, it kind of has a ring to it.  And it is slightly preferable to that time she asked if she could just call me “servant”!

“I have a scar.  You know how I know what it’s called?  Because I’m smart!”

Yes she is.  Modest, not so much.

“Yay!  You got me a bloody donut!”

No, it’s not a British thing.  It is more commonly known as a Jelly Donut… but look at one sometime… You’ll see.

 

“When I’m six, I will be a teenager.”

I don’t doubt it.

 

“Teenagers do whatever they want cause they’re like grown ups.”

Oh dear.

 

Isla really wants a pet kitty… so much in fact that she has already picked out a name: Butterwings Meowy-Cup.

Mom and Dad, “Sweetness” suddenly seems normal, now doesn’t it?

 

Aliana

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Aliana: Sorry I stepped on your toe mommy.

Me: It’s alright.

Aliana: Otay! I’m gonna do it again!

 

“Oh ow!  My forehead does not want that!  My forehead says to not take such big bites”

And that is how a two year old describes brain freeze.

 

“Can I watch TV?  But it has to be Mickey because I hate all the other shows!”

 

“I want a cookie, and a cookie won’t spill because it’s a cookie.  So can I have a cookie?”

She knows exactly how to appeal to a tired mommy who does not want to clean the floors AGAIN!  In case you’re wondering, she got the cookie.

 

Me: I’m going to close the door because I’m blow drying my hair.

(She doesn’t like the noise)

But I’m right in here.  If you need anything, you can come in.

…A few seconds later, bursting into the room shouting desperately…

Aliana: I need something!  I need something!  Help me!

Me:  What do you need, Baby?

Aliana: Um I need… I need…

(Looking around the bathroom for an idea)

I need lotion!

Why do I get the feeling she just wanted her mommy?  And I don’t mind a all!

 

It’s a Sister Thing!

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Aliana: Let’s play princess!

Isla: Mommy!  Oh Mommy!  You won’t believe this!  Aliana read my mind of what I want to play!

Mmhmm or maybe you both just always want to play princess all the time.

 

Aliana to Isla: I’m going to make you rich and famous and give you a lot of lollipops!

 

I was getting more and more frustrated with the fighting taking place in the back seat as I was driving…

Me: Girls!  Keep your hands to yourselves until we get home!

Isla to Aliana: We can still hit each other with our heads!

Well I do want to encourage creative solutions and  resourceful problem solving.