I Do Stuff

 

I am a stay at home mommy.  I’m not going to defend it, or say what I do all day, or try to make it sound like I do more than the moms who go to work all day.  I probably don’t.  That life sounds exhausting actually.  I know some mommies who work very hard all day then they come home and work hard there too.  We all work.  We all do stuff.  Stop acting like one is better than the other.  Stop being superior.  Stop it, everyone!

SAHMs I’m talking to you.  We are not better mommies than the ones who go to work.  Whether they have chosen to go back to work because they like it or done it out of necessity, it does not matter.  They are just doing the same thing we are… Trying their best to do their best for their families.  That’s all.  They are doing what mommies do, putting their little ones first.  Okay maybe some aren’t, but that is not for us to judge.  Some stay at home moms might not be putting their families first either… gasp… yes, I said it.  Neither being home nor going to work makes a mother inherently better.  Doing our best and loving our children with everything we have and more, that is all we can do.

Working moms, I’m talking to you now.  Stop acting superior.  You do look superior, I’ll give you that… so put together in your business clothes, so perfect in your make up, with your hair… you know… what is that thing you do to your hair?  Brush it?  Well, it looks good on you.      But remember this; we are all busy.  Just because you look better doing it, doesn’t mean you’re doing more… or less.

We all have 24 hours in our day.  We have kids, so I’m guessing those 24 hours are full.  Full of being busy, full of trying hard (and sometimes failing), full of love and laughter, full of tears and tantrums, full of messes… just full.

When Scott comes home from work and asks what I did with my day, I’m not going to lie, I feel defensive.  Maybe I need to have more to show.  Where is the proof that I have accomplished something? Where is the perfectly clean house?  Why aren’t my children lined up(a la Sound of Music) reciting the elements of the periodic table?  Where is the five course gluten free (because that’s cool now) non-GMO, gourmet meal with followed by a secretly healthy, yet totally kid-pleasing dessert?  Why haven’t I changed out of my sweaty yoga pants all day?  Where is anything to show that I did anything… anything at all?

“What did you do today?”  I honestly can’t think of a single thing to tell him, and yet I’m exhausted… mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted.  What’s wrong with me?

“Um, I did stuff…”  My voice trails off.  I either start feeling bad about myself and my lack of accomplishment or I do the other most logical thing.  I get mad.  Why does he want to know?  Why is he questioning me?  Is this some kind of interrogation?  He is so mean!

Like I said I am not going to defend it or promote it.  If you are a stay at home mommy, and looking for justification (not that you need it), The Matt Walsh Blog has a nice post about that: What do you DO all day?  It is even more encouraging because it’s written by a man, a daddy, someone who does not stay home.  It is lovely to see someone so respectful and full of admiration for what his wife does.

That being said, my point is a bit different than his.  His is sweet.  Mine is simple.  Stop judging other mothers.  Stop feeling insecure about yourself (because I am guessing that is the real root of all this judginess).  Are you doing the best you can for the ones you love most?  Yes?  Good.  Is she doing the best… Stop!  Wait a minute.  Not your problem.  Not your business.  Love and support.  Don’t judge.  What are we?  The mean girls from high school all grown up but not changed a bit?  You worry about yourself!  I say it all day long to my girls.  Now I’m saying it to myself.  Worry about yourself!

Some days getting to be their Mommy is the only thing I accomplish.  (And I am far from perfect at that!)

Some days getting to be their Mommy is the only thing I accomplish.
(And I am far from perfect at that!)

 

 

Do you ever find yourself feeling insecure about your choice to either stay home or go to work as a parent?  

 

Funny… Um… 14th?

 

I’m running late again.  Well, not running late because I haven’t even run yet.  I’m just late…  And I need to run… Totally unrelated.  I didn’t post Funny First on April First because I thought you had plenty to laugh at… you know with the abundance of April Fools’ jokes and all.  Or maybe I just didn’t get around to it.  But that was a pretty good excuse if I do say so myself.  I’m really good at excuses.  I also excel at justifications.  Another piece of chocolate?  Well, I do need more antioxidants.  Yes please.  Everyone has their strong points.  Excuses and justifications… I am good.  But I digress (another of my brilliant talents).  Since I missed the First and then the Fourth passed me by… as did the Fifth, we will now celebrate Funny Fourteenth.  It’s all about the alliteration.  Funniness can only be done right on days on the month that begin with F.  I didn’t make the rules.  I believe Sesame Street did.

Aliana had plenty to say in May, and most of it was funny.  Let’s start with her.

 

Aliana

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“I want a Popsicle but not a cold one”

So juice?

 

Me:  Do you want some water?

Aliana:  No!  Apple juice

Me:  No.  You can have water if you’re thirsty.

Aliana:  No.  I don’t want water.  It’s too dangerous.

The girl may have a point.  I’ve never heard of someone drowning in apple juice, but water…

 

“I have a lobster on my foot”

Or a blister.  But it just sounds so cute, I cannot bear to correct her.

 

“Your baby was coughing, Mommy”

“Your baby loves you.”

“You’re just so cute Wittle Baby-Mama!”

“Scoot me up!  You’re dropping your baby!”

 

“I’m hungry like a beetle!”

 

“I love you like a beetle.”

 

“I do it myself!” You guessed it. “Like a beetle!”

 

In Aliana-ese, like a beetle is an intensifier.  It can be added to anything for emphasis.  You want something very much?  You want it like a beetle.  It can be used similarly to the popular “like a boss” and makes about as much sense.

 

“If you don’t watch your baby she will go outside.”

Noted

 

And saving the best for last, my all time favorite sentence ever to be uttered by anyone in history:

“Mommy, your pretty baby haves lobsters like a beetle!”

Love.

 

Moving right along to the funny four year old:

 

Isla

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“Aliana, do not talk about panties!  There is a man coming and men do not like panties!”

 

Me:  Now remember the pan can get hot.  So what should we do, so we don’t get burned?
Trying to make sure she understood not to touch it.
Isla:  Well, we could wrap each of my fingers in bandaids, then instead of burning me it will just burn the bandaids when I touch hot stuff?

Or that.  Can’t say she isn’t creative.

More cute than funny, I was having a rough morning, and Isla told me she wrote me a song to cheer me up:
“You’re more fun than the color pink,
Or balloons flying over your favorite drink!”

It worked.

 

Sisters

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Isla:  Aliana! Where is your manners?
Aliana:  In my mouth.

I’d explain… but…Your guess is as good as mine.

 

Cousin

My sister’s littlest is quite the funny man.  He knows how to keep her embarrassed laughing, and this month she was kind enough to share (thank you, Phyllis!)

“Bogdan really likes big trucks, cranes, tractors and such…” (guess that’s a boy thing… If it isn’t pink, sparkly, ruffled or wearing a tiara, we hardly notice it).  ”He calls them all ‘cranes.’  Recently when we were traveling to Nikolaev, all the fields were being planted.  I explained to him that the tractors were planting seeds, just like we had planted in out garden.  He said, “No.  Fingers.”  That’s right, we planted with our fingers, but the tractors are planting too/  Then after a while of watching them intently he yelled for the whole bus to hear: “Crane seeds with its butt!”  And of course, he had to grab his own backside to make sure that I knew what he was talking about.”

 

A few days later he decided that the mirrors on trucks are their ears, so he entertained the people on that bus with explanations of buses having big ears while cars have little ears.

 

And these stories of public entertainment remind me of a recent shopping trip to Sam’s with the girls.  Isla was observant enough to notice that in their cart, the people behind us in line had “Alllllll THAT soda!  And didn’t you say, Mommy, that soda is bad!?!?!?”  Of course it was not enough to simply point that out and ask the subsequent question.  It was quite necessary to do it at a volume approximately equivalent to that of a store intercom.  Oh to be a ostrich and have a pile of sand nearby.  Or maybe I should try Aliana’s trick of closing her eyes when she is in trouble… Does it work?  Can you see me now?

 

 

Your turn.  Share a funny store.  Please?  I want it… like a beetle!

What You Don’t See

Don’t be jealous of my perfection.

I am the perfect mommy, waking early to fix an adorable snack of heart shaped sandwiches, veggies and mini Rice Krispy treats (home made of course) tied of with a pretty bow.

…Snacks that my angelic little darlings will consume as they sit in the jogging stroller (if they have time for food between sisterly kisses and cuddles that is).

I will run until my skin glistens with sweat (which undoubtedly smells of roses) and my cheeks glow a pretty pink to match the pink trim on my black running shorts, and the pink sports bra and, of course, adorable pink socks.  I only run in matching sets.

When we get home, I will make a healthy, balanced meal full of fresh veggies for my girls.

We will spend time outside enjoying the lovely day as I help Isla learn to ride her bicycle and Aliana runs along beside.

Later we will happily do the lovely craft projects I have planned.

Or maybe do some fashion design and make a paper dress together.

Then we will cook dinner in our matching aprons.

My dress, hair and make up will be perfect.

Okay if you know me in real life, you may now go ahead and roll your eyes.  Hey!  I said roll your eyes, not roll on the floor laughing.  Be nice!

But that can be the picture social media paints, can’t it?  Other than sweating roses most of the above statements have an inkling of truth to them.  Some truth… not the whole truth.  If you follow me on Instagram, Pinterest or Twitter, these are the things you may see.  It can cause a little problem psychologists call Pinsecurity.  Extreme insecurities in oneself due to the apparent perfection of others’ lives as depicted on Pinterest.  (Okay I totally made that up, but you know what I mean, right?)  Yes, I might be Twitter Terrific, Facebook Fabulous, Pinterest Perfect, But let’s look at that little story I told again… this time with a healthy dose of reality.

One day I got up early to make cute snacks tied in bows.  The girls loved it.  I took a picture because it is so unusual for me to do more than just grab an apple and a bag of whatever crackers, chips or cookies we happen to have at the moment.

My angelic little darlings… yes, they are darling.  They are not perfect though.  In that sweet picture of them kissing, they were actually making up after a particularly crazy, screaming, hair pulling, fight that may or may not have also included biting.

I run until I sweat.  Yep.  True.  I usually don’t match at all, and you don’t know how lucky you are that today’s Instagram technology does not yet allow for scratch and sniff.

I usually make a lunch that hopefully is somewhat balanced and might include a fresh ingredient… PB&J with a side of frozen peas anyone?  Leftover black beans and rice with a banana?  …Something like that.  Cereal?  For lunch?  It would not be unheard of around here.

We most likely either have time for playing outside, a craft, some painting or one of Isla’s fun paper fashions.  I do honestly treasure that time we spend together, and it is the highlight of my day.  I never have time to do everything my girls want to do.  I wish I did.

Dinner, yes.  Our adorable matching aprons?  Not so much.  I don’t even own an apron.  I may have borrowed Isla’s to take a picture and make it look like we matched once.

Perfect dress, hair and make up? Ha!  I really make myself laugh sometimes.  It’s called a filter, and there’s a reason you can’t see what I’m wearing.

There is nothing wrong with putting your best foot forward.  In fact it would be weird to do otherwise.  Imagine Tweeting this: “Screaming at the kids for no reason #crappymommymoment” or “I let my children watch TV all day because I could’t deal #hidingintheclosetwithabagofcandy”.  How about having a Pinterest board dedicated to of all my messes… pile of crumbs on the counter, ring around the bathtub, five baskets of clean but unfolded laundry stacked on top of each other waiting to be put away?  Maybe Instagramming selfies hair in a messy ponytail wearing pajama pants and a bra (that don’t even go together) because sometimes that is the real me… all day long.  Or that meal that came straight out of a bag?  You probably won’t be seeing any of these things on any type of social media (except maybe snapchat where it all disappears in seconds).  My point is this.  A picture (or tweet) may be worth a thousand words.  It may be true.  But it is not the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  Don’t let everyone else’s totally perfect lives, make you feel like yours is lacking.  Nobody is perfect.  Nobody has it all together.  The crumbs are there (right there on the counter just outside the borders of that perfectly framed and filtered photo).

 

Is this just me, or do you ever struggle with “Pinsecurity”?

 

Funny First, March

 

It’s the post you’ve all been waiting for (and when I say “all”, I mean you, Mom).  Funny First!  Isla and Aliana keep me laughing every day and hopefully this compilation of some of my favorite funny conversations and quotes from the past month will brighten your day too.  Enjoy!

 

Isla

"It won't go!"

“It won’t go!”

 

“Mommy I am grateful for the snack you are going to give me… Especially for the Starbursts… I hope.”

Well, we had been talking about being grateful.  However no snack had been offered.  Does thankfulness trump manipulation?  Hmm.

 

Isla:  I absolutely know that fairies are real!
Me:  You do? How?
Isla:  Because… You know… Disney says.

Can’t argue with logic.

 

Isla offered to take Aliana potty (which mostly consists of sitting with her while she sits on her little potty), and since I was doing dishes, I agreed.  A few seconds later Isla ran to me and said, “It’s poopoo!  She’s all yours!”

Must have learned that one from Daddy.

 

When Scott came home with a certain yearly temptation pushed by adorable little dealers in green vests (which I would like to point out, I had resisted), Isla was shocked,

“Why did they let daddy buy the scout cookies?  He’s not a girl!”

And so we, being girls, were willing to take them off his hands… you know because they are GIRL Scout cookies after all.

 

Isla loves to ask all kinds of questions as she sits in the jogging stroller.  On one of my long runs the topic turned to growing up.  In response to her interrogation curiosity, I explained that I am not growing bigger anymore because grown ups are down growing.  However, I still do have birthdays and get older.  Her response:

“Aw poor mommy.  How sad you won’t get any bigger.”  Then brightening a little “But at least you do get to get older!”

Oh joy.  Silver fine lines and wrinkles… er I mean lining… silver lining.

 

“Birthdays are good because they help you get older.”

 Or is that why they’re bad?  Perspective.

 

“I like how soft the bread Grammy and Grampy have is.  But it’s okay Mommy, I like your bread with the nutritions in it too.”

 

Apparently Isla was listening as I watched the News and when the Weather alert came on:

“Tomato warning?  Oh yay!  I hope there’s avocados too!”

Well that does sound delightful.

 

Poor Aliana has a cold, here is Isla’s take on it:

“She kind of talks cute when she’s sick, doesn’t she?”

Another silver lining.

 

Aliana

"I'll Help!"

“I’ll help you!”

 

“I crying because I be hitting you, and that’s not vewy nice.”

 

After dinner I went to get a paper towel and told Aliana I needed to clean her (and her high chair) up.  When I got back, she smiled and said,

“It’s okay mama! I eated all my mess… see?”

 

And she had.

 

“Mommy, you stop that right now or I will kiss you on purpose!”

Do you think I stopped?

 

“I dwant [drank] all my energy sauce [V8].”

And so did I, but I call mine coffee.

 

“Oh no, Isla is throwing up.  And Isla is throwing down, oh no.”

 

“Hey Loveyboo, put me down!”

Then she proceeded to call me by that new nickname for the rest of the day.  Where does she get this stuff?

 

Sisters

Everything is better together

Everything is better together

 

Aliana has a cold, and her nose has been running non-stop.

Me:  What are we going to do about your poor little nosy?
Aliana:  Put a diapy on my butt, and then put a diapy on my wittle nosy?
Isla:  Or maybe we could put a band-aid on her face to keep the snot in?

They are full of helpful suggestions.  I took neither.

 

 

Your turn.  Share a funny story with me.  Do it (or I will kiss you on purpose)!

I Rode a Bike and I Liked it!

 

We just got back from a wonderful family cruise.  Cruising is great!  I love the relaxed lifestyle.  As we were leaving the ship I told Isla I didn’t miss cleaning.  Her response: “Well, Mama you don’t like cleaning.”  Good point.  I said I also didn’t miss cooking, and I do like cooking.  It is just so nice to have everything taken care of like that sometimes.  The only problem is everything is a little too taken care of.  I mean when there is a list of desserts to choose from a mile long, and it is all included, I can’t have just one, can I?  That would be wasteful… bad stewardship of our money.  Isn’t there something about that in the Bible?  Two desserts every night.   Yes please.  It is the right thing to do… good stewardship and all.  Now don’t you start listing the seven deadly sins at me.  I know, I know.  I am an expert at justifying anything when it comes to chocolate.  My point?  Extra food, extra relaxation… a little extra physical activity might help balance things out.

When Scott suggested renting bicycles in Key West, it sounded like a good idea to me.  Sure, it’s not running, but it is moving.   And well… I am the H in ADHD.  So we found a place to rent bicycles with seats on the back, and rented the last two (score!).

Baby, Let's Ride!

Baby, Let’s Ride!

Southernmost Point

Southernmost Point

We spent the next few hours exploring Key West on two wheels (four all together).  Up and down the cute and touristy areas then around the whole beautiful Island we went.  I couldn’t believe how much fun I was having.  At first I was a little wobbly, but it all came back to me just like… riding a bicycle.  Did I really just say that?  Yes, I think I did.

We travelled about 15 miles all together.  Of course we made a few stops along the way.

Hydrating with a coconut the size of her head

Hydrating with a coconut the size of her head

Cooling off with popsicles

Cooling off with popsicles

Making memories, taking in beautiful scenery and burring calories, we had so much fun!  I surprised even myself by how much I enjoyed it.  I actually rode a bike and I liked loved it!

When we got back to the ship, I went for a quick five miles on the treadmill.  Perfect day!  I sometimes think I’d like to do a triathlon someday.  Then I remember that I don’t like riding a bicycle… and I am not good at it.   That thought is followed by the another.  I don’t like swimming… and I look like a complete spazzofreak when I try.  Suddenly I realize the idea of the triathlon is a crazy one.  I should probably just stick to running.  But now I’m reconsidering (reconsidering reconsidering… so considering) doing it.  I’m two thirds of the way there.  I can run (we already knew that).  I can ride a bicycle (slowly, but that leaves room for improvement).  Now I just have to learn to like swimming.  Will that ever happen?  Um… I’ll get back to you on that.

After all that exercise it would be a bad idea not to refuel with two desserts, right?  Three maybe?  Four just to be safe.  And so I did.

 

Have you ever done (or would you ever do) a triathlon?

What is your favorite dessert?

 

 

Accidental Tom Sawyer

 

Want your children to eat healthier?  Yeah, don’t we all.  When Isla asks for carrots “just the way they are” (aka raw) as a snack it’s like a symphony straight from Heaven written just for me… music to my ears.

"Fumbs up, carrots up"

“Fumbs up, carrots up”

However that is not all she wants.  Candy, cookies, chips… The girl likes junk food.  Aliana too.  Me too although I hate to admit it.

Today I stumbled upon the (rather obvious) solution.  The morning started like it always does.  Aliana screeching at full volume,

“I hundwy!  I HUUUUUNNNDWYYY!”

Meanwhile Isla skipping around asking me to play with her, if I will turn on the TV, what’s for breakfast, if we can do an art project, will I let her play Play-Doh, if she may have a cookie, do I want to play dress-up… Not terribly interested in food (although two of the gazillion questions did make reference to the fact that she might eat if the right food (like a cookie) came along at the right time (after Play-Doh and before Dress-up).

I grabbed the bunch of bananas from the counter, and offered one to each of them.  Aliana protested.

“I not want a banana.  I want cereals!”  Yes plural… just to ensure that her stingy mama wouldn’t hand her a single cheerio…to share.  Because you know… I would do that.

Isla said she was not hungry and danced away to play (typical).  Fine.  I’m not a food pusher.  They’ll eat if they’re hungry.  The bananas looked inviting to me, so I grabbed my cup of coffee and one of those lovely yellow fruits and sat down to enjoy.

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And Voilà!  Voici!  They were far.  They were near.  They were upon me.  Literally crawling all over me.  ”I want a banana!”  ”I WANT a banana!”  ”I want a BANANA!”  Translation:  I want YOUR banana!”  Cries, demands, whines, polities requests, all mixed together with entreaties to “Please share.”

I did share.  Although at first I did not really want to.  It was my banana.  My moment.  But wait.  Wasn’t I just trying to get them each to have one of these?  I suddenly thought of Tom Sawyer and the fence.

book-review-vidya-sury-tom-sawyer

Remember that?  When Tom not only pawned off his chore of whitewashing a fence on the other boys, he even got them to pay him for it.  I was an accidental Tow Sawyer.  I wanted it, so they wanted it.  It’s the law of demand and demand.  In case you are wondering, no, I did not make them barter all their best toys and trinkets for bites of my banana.  I just gave it to them and got another to share… and another.

So there it is.  My brilliant revelation.  If you want your little ones to want to eat healthier foods, you too must eat healthier foods.  And like it (or at least pretend to)!  And so as I write, I munch on a carrot stick.  Yummy.  Don’t worry about me.  I’ll be sneaking my ice cream just as soon as I tuck them in.  Is it bedtime yet?  Goodnight little darlings.

 

Your turn.  Share one of your brilliant Mommy (or Daddy) tricks to get your little ones to eat nutritious foods.

Better yet share a tip to get my your child to clean her room.  That’d be great.

 

Mom Jeans and Minivans

 

I didn’t break the rule… technically.  I mean the rules was, “I will never own a minivan.”  I don’t.  But I just bought my first mom car.  Confession:  I love it.  I had been clinging rather desperately to my old 2003 Hundai Elantra Pre-kids red car.  Note: You might be holding onto your car a little too tightly when you take the door handle with you.

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So I didn’t even like this car.  But it was not a mom car.  In fact it was a little too small for us.  Two car seats could cram into the back seat, and the stroller could fit into the trunk… in pieces.  No extra room.  None.  Oh, and that door handle?  Yeah, that would be just one of three broken off handles.  On the brought side, one was still attached.  Apparently I do not know my own Herculean strength… That, or they were just shoddy quality.  I prefer the first option.  I’m strong.  Hopefully strong enough to get us all out of the car if anything should ever happen to prevent me from being able to put the windows down.  On top of that little problem, the power steering was shot and the CV joints starting to go.  That last thing was the one thing that finally put me over the edge.  Time to get a mom car.  But not a minivan!  After shopping around Scott and I chose a 2013 Ford Taurus with all the fixings.  Our main requirements were safety, good gas mileage, and a trunk big enough to easily fit 6 bodies… or the jogging stroller… basically the same thing size wise (okay that one was mine).  Just look at those priorities… so Mom-ish.  But it is not a minivan!

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Now I drive the mom car.  That got me to thinking.  What other “never will I ever…” rules of mommy-hood did I have before having children of my own.  Have I broken them?  Lived by them?  Or, like the minivan, toed the line, keeping the letter of the law, if not the spirit of it?

Mom jeans.  ”I will never wear mom jeans.”  Define mom jeans.

Mom Jeans, Defined

Mom Jeans, Defined

Okay, I still don’t have those!  I am clinging to my skinny jeans like I clung to that car door handle.  Anyway, it cannot be comfortable to wear anything that high on the waist… and those belts… what?  But let’s be honest.  Yoga pants are the new mom jeans.   I hate to admit it, but it’s probably true.  We all know I live in my yoga pants.  Guess what I am wearing right now?  You guessed it.  Do I wear them out of the house?  Shopping… yes.  To the ball… oh dear (in my defense, the only balls I attend are at home with the girls).  Out to dinner… still yes.  To formal events… what formal events?  And there we have it.  Minivans and Mom jeans… I’m just barely keeping those rules.

The mom do.  ”I will not chop off all my hair.”  Take another look at the mom jeans photo.  The mom cut.  No, just no.  I do not look good with short hair.  My hair is as long as it was pre kids.  Longer actually, because I never have time to get a trim.  Unfortunately I have come up with my own version of the mom do.  A sloppy pull-through ponytail with a headband.  I didn’t even realize it until I saw the following conversation on a reality TV show.

“Is she cute?”

“No.  She’s wearing a headband.  And a ponytail.”

It was said like those two things are without a doubt mutually exclusive.  The probability of cuteness existing along with a headband and a ponytail, zero percent.  Zero point zero.  And that’s how I wear my hair… every day.  Cute.

Leashes.  ”I will never put my child on a leash!”  Still haven’t.  Still won’t.  But I must say, I understand it now.  As long as you’re not barking commands like, sit, stay and heel, I don’t judge you if you do it.  Some children are hard to hold onto!

Stains.  ”I will not leave the house in stained clothes.”  Bwahahahaha.  I just snorted.  Smashed bananas… it’s kind of like mommy perfume.  Coffee… yeah, I needed it… no, it didn’t all make it to my mouth… don’t judge.  Spit-up… whatev!  Sometimes I leave the house, cleaned and unstained.  On those days, I think I’m some kind of supermodel.  Yeah, baby, look at me.  If you got it, flaunt it… and by “it” I mean an unstained T-shirt.  Oh, and those days where I start out flaunting my unstained awesomeness… well let’s just say it’s not all all day thing.

“I will not let myself go!”  And I don’t think I have.  One point for me.  Yay.

“I will not say ‘Because I said so.’”  Instead I will patiently explain the logical reasoning behind everything.  Well, I have never said, “Because I said so.”  I have not said those exact words.    As for the patient and logical explanations… um…  ”I don’t know!  Ask Daddy!” is totally patient and logical, right?

We all know everything about parenting.  We know how to be better than the best parents out there.  We are put-together, calm, unstained and practically perfect in every way.  Then we have kids.  At least that was my experience.

 

What were your pre-parent, parenting rules?

How are you doing with those?

 

 

 

 

 

Funny First of February

 

These girls!  I am always laughing.  And now it’s time to share the laughs.  Grab a cup of coffee, but please drink and laugh responsibly.  I cannot be held responsible for any injuries caused by snorting, choking or spilling hot liquids.

 

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum

 

Isla

 

Me:  Don’t pick your nose.
Isla:  But I have so much snot.

Awesome.  Go right ahead then.

 

Every day I answer approximately one million and one questions.  So when Isla wanted to know what “fine lines and wrinkles” are, I did my best to explain.  Then I cautioned her not to tell people that they are old or have wrinkles.  She responded, “Oh so do old people not know they are old?”

 

“Well even if she didn’t go on the potty, she did go pee pee so can we still have candy?  Because she did go potty just not on the potty, you know.

Future lawyer maybe?

 

After stubbing her toe, “I’ll never be able to play again, will I?”

Make that future Soap Daytime Drama Starlet?

 

“We’re going to play without you!”
And then to soften the blow.
“Mommy I do like you, it’s just there are no pretty dresses big enough for you.”

Ah yes.  I feel so much better now.

 

“Mommy you are the most beautifulist girl in the whole world!

…well except for me of course!”

Beautiful and modest, my girl…

 

“Why does that song say I am your only sunshine because don’t you have two sunshines actually?”

 

“Enough of this rain!  We don’t want the plants growing too big now do we?”

 

Aliana

 

“Your Little Ponies” and hers is called “My Your Little Pony”

Makes perfect sense really.

 

Me:  Aliana what happened to your face?  Did someone hit you?
Aliana:  Yes, me!
Me:  You hit yourself?
Aliana:  No, floor hit me!

 

Me:  Aliana, you have to get dressed before people get here.
Aliana:  I don’t wanna wear a dress!
Me:  Okay you don’t have to wear a dress, but you do have to wear something.
Aliana:  Okay I wear a headband. I just wear a headband.

Well that’s something.

 

“I’m full.  I’m still hungwyyyyy!”

Not even a pause between the two.

 

With a pink shoe lace wrapped around her waist and hanging down the back, Aliana announced, ”I am a fairy, and this is my fairytail!”

 

I was talking on the phone and Aliana was surprisingly quiet.  After hanging up, I heard a little voice coming from inside the bathroom saying, “Don’t come in here mommy.  It’s messy.”  Uh oh.  I opened the door and she said. “Get out! Get out!  It’s not safe for you in here.”  Translation:  ”Don’t come in because I don’t want you to see that I have dumped an entire economy size bottle of aloe on the floor and am currently trying to clean it up before you find out.  Trying being the operative word… I am actually smearing it all over the bathroom with your freshly washed and folded white towels.”

Note to self: do not talk on the phone… ever.  Note to friends and family: No I am not avoiding you.  I am avoiding disaster.

 

“Put me down! put me down right now! I not a toy!”

 

With a stethoscope around her neck, “I’m gonna feel you better!”

I might be a little creeped out if that came from any other doctor besides Dr. Aliana.

 

Sister Conversations

 

Aliana:  Isla… ISLAAAAA!
Isla:  You mean your majesty?
Aliana:  Yes, my majesty.

 

Aliana:  Oops, I spilled it on the table.
Isla:  It’s ok if you spill stuff on the table. Mommy will clean it up.

 

Awesomeness: The Official How to Guide

IMG_6537

Did I just have ice cream for breakfast?

Yep!

Did I just give my children ice cream for breakfast?

IMG_6536

 

Well that answers that.  Yep, again.  Mother of the year right here!  Look at that face!  She thinks I am awesome right now!

What kind of mother gives her kids dessert for breakfast?  Wouldn’t a decent mother provide something nutritious like fruit and maybe some nuts for protein?  Well that ice cream is fruit and nuts and not much else.  Four ingredient, delicious soft serve that is clean and healthy (clean as in clean eating, not clean as in un-messy as you can see from the above photo).

I’ll keep this post short and sweet (literally) so you can get right to the ice cream making if you wish.  It is just too good not to share!

As I mentioned, I only used four ingredients.  You can used 2, 3, 4, or more.  You need bananas and a milk of your choice.  You will also need a blender or food processor and some duct tape.  Place the duct tape over your mouth.  Peel, slice and freeze the bananas (I did that last night).  You can skip the duct tape step if you are able to resist the deliciousness of bananas.  I cannot.  Once the bananas are frozen toss them in the food processor with a splash of almond milk.  Blend until creamy (or leave a little lumpy for texture) adding milk as necessary.  Then I added a little vanilla bean paste to give it that gourmet flavor and a spoonful of cocoa powder to make it chocolatey.  You can add peanut butter, other nut butter, raspberries, strawberries, whatever you’re in the mood for.  Final step: Grandly announce to your children that you will be serving ice cream for breakfast today and watch them get excited.  Mother of the year nominations will follow*!  You’re welcome.

I’ll finish with an ice cream inspired quote from Isla.  ”Don’t tell Daddy this, but you’re the awesomest… even cooler than him!”  And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how we bribe our children!

*Disclaimer: Mother of the year is not a real award.  The reactions of delight, however, are 100% genuine.

Guest Post from Aliana

 

mm  bvfcxcc c

 

There it is.  My baby girl’s official first blog post.  Brilliant!  My child is a genius! It would have been longer, but she was caught in the act.

Thoughts?  She would love your feedback.