I am a stay at home mommy. I’m not going to defend it, or say what I do all day, or try to make it sound like I do more than the moms who go to work all day. I probably don’t. That life sounds exhausting actually. I know some mommies who work very hard all day then they come home and work hard there too. We all work. We all do stuff. Stop acting like one is better than the other. Stop being superior. Stop it, everyone!
SAHMs I’m talking to you. We are not better mommies than the ones who go to work. Whether they have chosen to go back to work because they like it or done it out of necessity, it does not matter. They are just doing the same thing we are… Trying their best to do their best for their families. That’s all. They are doing what mommies do, putting their little ones first. Okay maybe some aren’t, but that is not for us to judge. Some stay at home moms might not be putting their families first either… gasp… yes, I said it. Neither being home nor going to work makes a mother inherently better. Doing our best and loving our children with everything we have and more, that is all we can do.
Working moms, I’m talking to you now. Stop acting superior. You do look superior, I’ll give you that… so put together in your business clothes, so perfect in your make up, with your hair… you know… what is that thing you do to your hair? Brush it? Well, it looks good on you. But remember this; we are all busy. Just because you look better doing it, doesn’t mean you’re doing more… or less.
We all have 24 hours in our day. We have kids, so I’m guessing those 24 hours are full. Full of being busy, full of trying hard (and sometimes failing), full of love and laughter, full of tears and tantrums, full of messes… just full.
When Scott comes home from work and asks what I did with my day, I’m not going to lie, I feel defensive. Maybe I need to have more to show. Where is the proof that I have accomplished something? Where is the perfectly clean house? Why aren’t my children lined up(a la Sound of Music) reciting the elements of the periodic table? Where is the five course gluten free (because that’s cool now) non-GMO, gourmet meal with followed by a secretly healthy, yet totally kid-pleasing dessert? Why haven’t I changed out of my sweaty yoga pants all day? Where is anything to show that I did anything… anything at all?
“What did you do today?” I honestly can’t think of a single thing to tell him, and yet I’m exhausted… mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. What’s wrong with me?
“Um, I did stuff…” My voice trails off. I either start feeling bad about myself and my lack of accomplishment or I do the other most logical thing. I get mad. Why does he want to know? Why is he questioning me? Is this some kind of interrogation? He is so mean!
Like I said I am not going to defend it or promote it. If you are a stay at home mommy, and looking for justification (not that you need it), The Matt Walsh Blog has a nice post about that: What do you DO all day? It is even more encouraging because it’s written by a man, a daddy, someone who does not stay home. It is lovely to see someone so respectful and full of admiration for what his wife does.
That being said, my point is a bit different than his. His is sweet. Mine is simple. Stop judging other mothers. Stop feeling insecure about yourself (because I am guessing that is the real root of all this judginess). Are you doing the best you can for the ones you love most? Yes? Good. Is she doing the best… Stop! Wait a minute. Not your problem. Not your business. Love and support. Don’t judge. What are we? The mean girls from high school all grown up but not changed a bit? You worry about yourself! I say it all day long to my girls. Now I’m saying it to myself. Worry about yourself!
Do you ever find yourself feeling insecure about your choice to either stay home or go to work as a parent?